The first good news in ages: a vaccine is on its way. The squints in Bethesda have isolated the virus and I expect results on lab experiments any moment. Thank god. I immediately wrote up a press statement (because lord knows we need all the hope we can get) but when I called the police chief he passed the phone off to Special Agent Clint Steel. I swear FBI think they're rock stars. They arrive in the field fashionably late, walk around with an entourage of groupies, and generally act surprised if you don't drool over their very presence. Please.

"So Clint," I said, "I just received some great news. The CDC is developing a vaccine as we speak, and I think we should let people know." I didn't call him Special Agent because the only thing that makes them special is falling within an age range and running a mile a little faster, but apparently the omission got us off on the wrong foot. He replied in a stereotypical clipped monotone that I wasn't authorized to release any information, and if the time came for a press conference I would not be conducting it. All information regarding virus research is to be treated as confidential subject to his sole discretion, and was he making himself clear enough?

Which makes this blog more than my emotional outlet. A whole lot more (about 15-30 years, depending on the charge, although if it's considered treason they technically have the option of death). To the few of you following my blog: please keep it to yourself. In return, I promise to be 100% honest and complete in everything I post here. But please, please, please. The first rule of this blog is that you don't talk about this blog. The second rule is...

But it's not like they could google key words in this blog and trace it back to me, right?

There's almost no chance I'll get to name the virus, but if they ask I've got one ready: adazumbi virus(zumbi is West African for...well you can guess). That'll put this town on the map.